Scotch Eggs

3 Jun

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If 99% of the shit that pops up on my Internet (yes, it’s mine, and you can’t have it) is right, we really, really like lists.

But I’d say it’s less ‘like’ and more necessity.  We have an obsession with winners and bests and #1’s, and that’s super apparent with food.  You already know in the back of your head when you go to whatever local haunt you…well, haunt, that there’s a difference between something you’d like if they had it and the onion rings you’d gut a small endangered animal for and use as a dipping sauce for those very same onion rings.

Yeah, we’re idiots and we like reading the top ten hashtag bullshit tweety things of the week, but we also just do it naturally. With everything.  We like hierarchies, and that’s why we’re willing to defend mint chocolate chip or Dr. Pepper or whatever you like cramming into your mouth until the bitter end.  Because mint chocolate chip is better, damnit.  And screw you and your inferior ice cream choice if you don’t agree.

Personally, this is at the top of my delicious having-a-cocktail-and-pretending-to-care-about-politics party snack hierarchy, but scotch eggs are a damn close second.  I mean, its a baby animal covered in sausage and then MORE of that baby animal.

What’s not to like?

Here’s what you need:

– 7 Eggs

– 2 cups Panko bread crumbs

– 1 1/2 pound Uncooked sausage

– 1 cup AP Flour

– Relish

– Stone-ground Mustard

Here’s how you do it:

First, put 6 eggs in a pot, cover with water, and boil for 12 minutes.  It’s a fucking hard-boiled egg, you’ll be fine.

Drain the eggs and put them in a bowl of cold water.

Once the eggs are cool, put them on a kitchen towel and gently roll and apply pressure until you hear a small crack.  You’re gonna smash one of those poor bastards at least once, so don’t fret too much.  You’ll get the hang of it.  Just crack them all, and peel.

Wrap the eggs completely in sausage.

Yes I didn't whisk it yet, get over it.

I know I didn’t whisk it yet, get over it.

Whisk the last egg in a shallow bowl, and fill two other shallow bowls with the flour and bread crumbs, respectively.

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Do the sausage-eggs just like fried chicken: dredge each in the flour, then the egg, and finally the bread crumbs.

Cover the eggs with plastic wrap and chill the eggs for an hour, then preheat your oven to 400.

Place the eggs on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper, and cook for 30 minutes.

Take the eggs out and let them cool for 5 minutes, slice em lengthwise so you get that nice, flavor-filled cross-section, and serve with the mustard and relish.

Serve it with some beats too.  This week it’s Nosetalgia, from Pusha T and Kendrick Lamar:

All this listing bullshit really comes down to one thing: we know what we want.

As much as I’m an advocate for trying everything and shoving as much tastiness as you can in your mouth, we all have our favorites, and we all know it.  I don’t care if you want to be a citizen of the world or cosmopolitan or a jack-of-all-foods…stick to your guns, and love that list till the last.

I’ll see you next time, food-warriors.

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