Bite-Sized Beats #22: Niagara

6 Jul

Glaze is meant to be a delicate, particular thing.  You make something relatively unsweet, a light cookie or small biscuit, and you drizzle a bit of sweet, sugary glaze on top, just enough to balance out the starchiness of what it’s covering.  You get the sugar you want, and you get a delightful little morsel of a delivery device, perfect alongside an espresso or a cup of Earl Grey.

Here in America, we do not understand this at all.  Not even a little bit.

Here, glaze isn’t an accent, it’s a freaking layer.  Ever been to a Krispy Kreme? (you’re reading this…you have.)  They have a literal waterfall of glaze.  A waterfall! That’s meant to cover doughnuts that’re already 90% sugar!

Now, to be fair, they could pass a hundred of the damn things under there, get them all nice and warm, and I would never ever complain.  They’re delicious.  But they don’t let you appreciate the glaze itself, just the fact that hot sugar is melting in your mouth.

Luckily for you fine people, glaze is stupidly, stupidly easy to make.  And as an added bonus, you can pretty much make it any flavor you want, as long as that flavor comes in some sort of liquid form.  I don’t really know what flavor doesn’t, to be honest.

Here’s what you need:

– Powdered sugar

– Some kind of fresh-squeezed fruit juice, lime and lemon work especially well

OR

– Some kind of extract, like vanilla or almond

– Milk

Here’s how you do it:

Put the powdered sugar in a bowl.

Put the juice/extract in the same bowl.

Stir until it’s glaze.

THAT’S.  IT.

Now I don’t know the exact sugar-to-flavoring ratio to get the perfect glaze, but that’s the beauty of this recipe: you don’t have to.  If it’s too runny, you add more sugar.  If it’s too thick, add more flavoring.  Super simple, super tasty, and you can put it on damn near anything.  Probably won’t taste very good on a steak, but hey, it’s your kitchen.

Also, an edit:

If you use extract, add equal parts milk and powdered sugar and a TINY bit of extract.  We’re talking maybe a teaspoon or two here.  Otherwise, as I found out this morning, you will have glaze that tastes vaguely like vanilla and largely like rubbing alcohol.

Here’s something for your stereo too.  Also it’s got a butt on the cover, so be careful if you get bothered by that sort of thing.  It’s Mr. Muthafuckin’ eXquire with Never Running Again

See you next time.

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