Part III: Downright Pleasant

27 Feb

Look people.  Believe it or not, there is the odd week or two throughout the year when I don’t really feel like making anything substantial.  I woke up, it’s a Sunday, and the sun was hitting the room at that nice angle where you get everything lit but it doesn’t blind the everloving shit out of you.  It was good.  And it was a day where things just didn’t need to be made.  But of course, the blog hungers, and the people want something tasty.  So here I am, making you demanding good-for-nothings some Baked Scotch Eggs and Lavender Lemonade.  Not because I wanted to, but because I totally wanted to.  I can’t even make it through that sentence, scotch eggs are just goddamned awesome.  Fresh Beats, Fresh Eats.  Tuck in for some flavor.

Here’s what you need:

Baked Scotch Eggs:

-6 eggs

-5 uncooked sausages (whatever kind you prefer, I went with sweet Italian because it said basil on it)

-1/2 cup AP flour

-pinch of salt

-1/2 cup panko bread crumbs


-Stone ground mustard (not that yellow fluorescent shit)

Lavender Lemonade

-1 1/2 tablespoons lavender buds

-4 cups cold water

-1 cup sugar

-1 cup lemon juice

We’re gonna do that lemonade first, because you want that goodness to get nice and frosty while you make the greatest snack you’ll ever experience in your life.  Hell, any life.  You could come back as a dinosaur, travel to the future, and munch up the entirety of ancient Rome.  Still not as good.  And I bet that’d be pretty damn tasty if you were a dinosaur.  Think about it.

Here’s how you do it:

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Make yourself some simple syrup by heating a pot up on low heat.  Then add the sugar and a cup of water, and stir.  That’s why they call it simple.  Just stir until the sugar dissolves and you’re good.  It’s pretty much unscrewupable…and don’t make me eat that made-up word by fucking things up, internet.

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Add your lavender (smell that shit first though…seriously.  You’ll know why when you do it.) and bring the syrup to a boil.  Then take it off the heat and let it sit until cool.  Make sure you cover it too, you don’t want any bonus lavender flavor disappearing into the atmosphere.  Which I’m now renaming the flavorsphere.  Deal with it, science.  Also, ignore the fact that both those pictures make it look like I dumped a bag of worms into some syrup.  I love me some lavender, but jesus.  Looks horrible.

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Once it’s cool, just strain it into a pitcher, and make sure you press down with a spoon to get all the tasty syrup out.  Every drop of syrup you waste reforms itself into another episode of an ABC sitcom that isn’t Modern Family.  Nobody wants that, kids.  Add the lemon juice and the rest of the water, and give it a quick stir.  Put it in the fridge for an hour and you’ll have the lemonade of kings.  Add some club soda when you pour for some extra tastiness.  Or gin.  Preferably both.

While you’re waiting for your lemonade to cool, get those eggs goin’.  Trust me, you’re gonna want them both ready at the same time.

Hard boil 5 of your eggs. FIVE.  I know it says six up there in the ingredients, and you’re gonna get all excited and wanna just boil the shit out of all of them.   But don’t.  Just don’t do it.  Later you need to dredge those scotch eggs IN something, and I don’t want to hear your complaining when you’re forced to throw them in an empty bowl and pretend there’s an egg-wash in there.  Today’s moral: learn to read.


Anyways.  If you don’t know how to hard-boil an egg, half the instructions are in the damn name.  Get a pot of water, add a pinch of salt and FIVE eggs, and boil for 12 minutes.  Then drain the eggs and put them in a bowl of cold water.

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Now comes the slightly trickier part.  Give the eggs a good tap on the counter and roll them, with just a little bit of pressure.  You want to hear a nice crack, but not the kind of crack that makes you think “oh god I’ll never walk again sweet jesus what have I done”.  I may have done that with the first egg.  This might be why I made 5 scotch eggs and not 6.  But you’ll never know, will you.

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Get your sausage out (you can smell this too, but it’s a little weirder and it makes me uncomfortable) and slice it open.  Peel the casing off and get just enough out to cover an egg.  I don’t have a definite amount, just form it into a patty with your hand and wrap the eggs.  I’d say it’s about 3/4 of a sausage per egg.  If there’s too much, pinch some off, if there’s too little, add a little more.  You’re smart people, you can figure it out.

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Remember that extra egg I was ranting about earlier?  Crack it open in a bowl and whisk it.  Then put your flour in another bowl (or on a plate), and your bread crumbs in another.  I didn’t actually measure the flour and bread crumbs, so just start with a 1/2 cup each.  If you need more, add it.  Then you’re gonna do this up just like some old-school fried chicken.  Roll it in the flour, dip it in egg, and roll it in some bread crumbs.


Once they’re all covered, stick them in the fridge with the lemonade for an hour.

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All that’s left is a baking sheet.  Put your eggs on some parchment paper and bake them at 400 degrees for 30 minutes.  Take them out, slice them in half (the long way, so you get that nice, cookbook cross-section goin’ on), and eat them with some good-ass mustard and relish.  The more mustard seeds you can see, the better.

Get out on that balcony and pop these in your mouth, people.  Shit like this is just too good to keep cooped indoors.  Make sure you don’t keep your beats indoors either, so bring a stereo and press play on some Erik Satie, the perfect laid back pianist for a smooth afternoon.  Here’s a classic, Gymnopédie No.2:

I like keeping it minimal, and you should too.  Getting wrist-deep in a four-hour long, 3-course slugfest is cool in the kitchen, but you gotta know how to appreciate something simple.  Pour yourself a glass and watch a bird or two.  I don’t know what the hell they’re doing, but it doesn’t matter.  It’s nice out.  And if you’re somewhere where it isn’t, hold a blow dryer to your head and throw a beach ball off your roof.  Almost feels like the Caribbean, don’t it.  Just keep enjoying yourselves.

Thanks to 12 Bottle Bar for the lavender syrup recipe.


2 Responses to “Part III: Downright Pleasant”

  1. Aisha October 21, 2012 at 11:59 am #

    I always thought you could only deep fry scotch eggs not bake them, but evidently not.
    I like this Erik Satie tune, simple and beautiful and you’ve got so many hidden gems on your blog, I’m gonna be here all day stalking the hell out of it. I’m just saying.


  1. Bite-Sized Beats #2 « Fresh Beats, Fresh Eats - August 24, 2012

    […] need to do is use my lavender lemonade recipe (and because I know you’re lazy, here it is:, and substitute a good fistful of thyme for the lavender.  You don’t even need to chop it […]

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